[밀리의 서재로 📙 읽기] 31. 사탄탱고

“ But what precisely happened, that could only be determined by a maximum joint effort, by hearing ever newer and newer versions of the story, so that there was never anything to do but wait, wait for the truth to assemble itself, at which point further details of the event might become clear, though that entailed a superhuman effort of concentration recalling in what order the individual incidents comprising the story actually appeared. 그런데 정확히 무슨 일이 일어났는지는 여러 사람이 애를 써야만 알아낼 수 있는 법이었다. 거듭해서 조금씩 다른 새로운 이야기들을 들어보야아 하기 때문에 결국은 기다리는 수밖에 없었다. 기다리다 보면 어느 순간 진실은 빛 아래서 낱낱이 드러나고, 사건들을 돌이켜 검토하면 원래 이야기에서 어떤 순서로 일들이 일어났는지를 알게 되는 것이다. ”

“ Until now she had always believed that it was failure only that was intolerable, but now she understood that victory too was intolerable, because the most shameful element of the desperate struggle was not that she remained on top, but that there was no chance of defeat. 지금까지 소녀는 패배만이 견딜 수 없는 것이라고 생각했지만 이제는 승리도 그렇다는 걸 알게 되었다. 이 잔인한 싸움에서 부끄러운 점은 그녀가 이겼다는 것이 아니라, 질 가능성이 처음부터 없었다는 것이다. ”

“ "무슨 일이 일어나건, 그건 좋은 거야." 소녀는 생각했다. 모든 것이 간단해졌다, 영원히. .... 소녀는 자기가 정말로 옳다고 느꼈다. 지난 며칠 동안 일어난 일들을 돌이켜보면서 일들이 서로 어떻게 엮였는지를 생각하고 그녀는 웃었다. 모든 일이 서로 무관하지 않았고 말할 수 없이 아름다운 의미로 연결돼 있었다. ”

“ "We are born into this sty of a world," he thought, his mind still pounding, "like pigs rolling in our own muck, with no idea what all that jostling at the teats amounts to, why we're engaged in this perpetual hoof-to-hoof combat on the path that leads to the trough, or to our beds at dusk." ”

“ And so it was understandable that they could breathe freely only once Irimias had gone, for he embodied not only the promise of a bright future, but also the fear of disaster. ”

“ ... he longed to be free of the obstinate, ever-recurring desire to know at last, now that he was near the end, the answer to the question: "What is the point of Futaki?" Because it would be best to resign himself now, to resign himself to that last moment when his body dropped into the last ditch, to drop into it with the same enthusiastic thud you expect from a baby saying hello to the world for the first time; and then he thought again of the sty and of the pigs because he felt ... that no one ever suspected that the reassuring self-evident providence that took care of us all on a daily basis would be simply the light flashing off the butcher's knife, and that that would be at the time when we least expected it, a time when we wouldn't even know why we should be facing tat incomprehensible and terrifying last goodbye. ”

“ the scariest thing was that he never once saw an actual spider though at that time he'd stay awake all night behind the counter, but it was as if they sensed his presence watching them, and they simply wouldn't appear. ”

“ The table and chair legs were woven into a cocoon and then - with the aid of one or another secret narrow strand - they were all connected up, as if it were a matter of some importance that the spiders, flattened in their secret, remote corners, should be properly advised of every slight tremor, each microscopic shift, and would be so as long as this strange, all-but-invisible network remained intact. ”

“ The grave words rang mournfully through the bar: it was like the continuous tolling of furiously beaten bells, the sound of which served less to direct them to the source of their problems than simple to terrify them. ”